This week’s Peace Perspective was a tough one to write. I knew I wanted this as soon as I saw it, but I didn’t quite know how to share my story.
Provided I’m wearing clothes that fit properly I am completely comfortable in my own skin. I give myself all sorts of options when I workout. I’ll walk whenever I want, skip workouts when I want rest, and generally treat my body kindly.
But “in your own skin” does not mean only the superficial things. I’m chicken when it comes to sharing my thoughts and feelings. Especially when I’m not sure how my thoughts and feelings relate to others.
I said the following words last weekend “I’m going over there, and I’m going to talk. I know what I want, and I may as well put my cards on the table.”
These were famous last words.
My cards were not laid on the table. I hid behind my thoughts by asking a question, and when I was asked a question in return, I pursed my lips and said “no” (which really didn’t answer the question, but I wasn’t called out on it, so I let it slip by).
Afterwards I’m tried to not beat myself up about it. I didn’t have the conversation I wanted to have. However, when it comes to matters of the heart, should every thought be revealed as soon as you think it? So many things can change. And if the other person isn’t sharing details and decisions, why should I?
I’m becoming a woman comfortable in her skin.
I’m not done, I’m not sure I will ever be done, and being done isn’t the goal.
The goal is to be comfortable. Comfort does not mean everything is perfect. It means you accept where you are, you may work towards more or different, but you acknowledge where you are, and relax a bit.
I may not like being in unknown territory, without a conversation to use as a map, but I can protect and comfort myself. And that will have to be enough.