2 Decades…Minimum. On Friendship.

Friends can be a tricky thing. People change, so naturally friendships change. A few months ago I had a brunch where I invited various people from my life, some of them had met before, some hadn’t, and it was fun to see them interacting. But I really am happiest when I separate the different groups. I’m able to focus on the conversation and not worried about filling in the information gaps.

high school friends 10 year reunion

These women have known me for over twenty years. Which almost shouldn’t be possible. We know entire chapters of our lives that coworkers, college friends, and sometimes spouses will never know. Because they weren’t there. They didn’t live it with us. We can tell every story, but its not quite the same.

Life is not idyllic. Do not let this long standing friendship become a fairytale. There have been hard times and hurt feelings. We survived middle school. It is not a thriving situation. But we’ve come out the other side of high school, college, and we are all at slightly different points in our relationships and careers. Now is the uncharted territory. Where you want to compare, but no comparison is quite equal.

Instead of comparing, lets celebrate each other. Wherever we are. For surviving the hard work situation, losing the family member, or battling the toddler. Everyone is out there fighting their own fight, don’t be another thing to fight, be the celebration.

How long have you known your friends?

How do you stop the comparison trap?

5 thoughts on “2 Decades…Minimum. On Friendship.

  1. Honestly, I just recently lost someone who has been a friend of mine for over twenty years. I’m not saying she won’t come back into my life at some point, but unfortunately the trust has been broken and I don’t think it’ll ever be the same. Which is sad, but I try to remember that for the 20+ years she was in my life, it was fun! She’s just not meant to be in it for the rest.

    • I’ve had that with a different friend, and sometimes it just doesn’t work. But who knows what the future holds.

  2. The friends I’ve been friends with for the longest are my college friends, so those friendships go back about 16 years. We don’t see each other as often or talk as often as we used to, but when we get together we have fun so that’s what I try to focus on. To be honest, sometimes I feel like all we have in common in our past at times as our lives are on such different paths. I’m the only person in the group that isn’t married/doesn’t have kids so I just sometimes feel like our lives are less relatable. I still value the friendships, but there are other friendships that more ‘core friendships’ in my life. I think it’s only natural for that to occur but sometimes it can be awkward if others still consider you a core friend, if that makes sense?

    The comparison thing is tough, though. I got really down about my life path being so different when I was 30. All my friends were married and most had started families so I just felt so different from everyone. So that is why I planned a trip to Paris for my birthday because I wanted to do something that celebrated the benefits of the life path I was on. I still have to remind myself not to compare my lives to others, though.

  3. This is a great post. I have friends from all points in my life still in my life and sometimes it works to mingle them and sometimes it doesn’t, but no matter where we are, I feel thankful for everyone’s place in my journey, even if we aren’t on the path together any longer. And honestly it has taken me all of my 34 years to really be accepting of that. And I choose to celebrate and embrace those with me now as well.

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